"I'm yours"

Hey y'all.
Sorry it's been a while since my last post, I've been rather busy of late.
I've done my January exams: an AS Psychology retake, an A2 Psychology exam and an A2 Ethics exam. None were absolutely awful, but none were overly brilliant either.
I officially have 4 offers from my uni choices, just waiting for one from UEA which I should get once I have sent them my creative writing portfolio. (Fingers crossed!) 
This weekend, after 2 and a half weeks, I finally saw George again :) <3 I think the extended time apart really hit us both quite hard, and thus we barely spent a minute apart all weekend. He makes me fonder of him every time I see him, which never seems possible because I absolutely adore him as it is. We had a lovely time, but getting on the train home afterwards was absolutely awful, I hated it! 
On the bright side, it's his birthday this weekend xD I just hope he likes his present!
I hope you all had a lovely weekend, stay safe if its snowing!
Jenny xx

Bastille - Flaws

Hudson Taylor - Drop in the Ocean

Sammy Davis jr - I've Gotta be me

Jason Mraz - A Beautiful Mess

Songs

Check this girl's songs out if you have time. They're pretty beautiful.
I love you all.
Jenny xx

#NightNightAlice

http://curiouslemons.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/alice-pyne.html
^ Go read Kat's blog post. It mattered to me too, but Kat always knows what to say much better than I do so I'm just going to send you there.

The Pianist

There are many beautiful things in life, and I do admit that most of these are not likely to be found at St Pancras International Station, London. However, this bustling station is not devoid of beauty, and I found my own rare snippet on the way home from a master-class last night, as I paused my journey to listen and appreciate, despite my mother's grumbles. What I had stumbled upon was a scruffy looking man sitting at an old piano adorned with drawings and messages, playing out an unknown melody to a passing crowd who did not have time to listen. I managed to stop there for a while, and there is something somewhat magical about sharing a moment like that with a complete stranger. In that moment, the scruffy guy could be anyone he wanted to be - a famous pianist perhaps - and I enjoyed being part of that.

Speaking of 'famous' strangers, the class I was attending was with Jay Rayner, and I had a chance to speak to him at the end of 3 hours of very entertaining musings, tips and honesty. I was there because it was my main Christmas present from Laurie, and so I thought it would be interesting to mention him to Jay. Although he has not reviewed the restaurant Laurie works in, Jay was very impressed at everything Laurie had achieved - I must admit I relished the chance to boast about my brilliant brother, I enjoy being a proud sister. The class itself was fantastic: very entertaining and informative, so I learnt a great deal.

An exceptional Christmas present, so thank you to Laurie.

"Hi"

Courtesy of tumblr. 
Goodnight :)

"Blame it on the little people"

Accents.
Brilliant, aren't they?
2 stunning new accents have entered my life very recently.
1. My incredibly well-spoken English teacher read one of Shakespeare's sonnets in a cockney accent today. Correct and hilarious.
2. My new RE teacher is Irish. Very Irish. And he walked past and said "Blame it on the little people" in his gorgeously Irish accent. I was very overwhelmed. I have only just recovered enough to post this, and the incident occurred yesterday.

Moving on.

The last few days have been a bit up and down really.
George was feeling grumpy at the weekend, so I decided to give him a short phone call. The phone call lasted about 2 hours and I now only have 38 free minutes left. Very much worth it. The call cheered my George up, and it brightened what I hadn't realised was a shit day for me. He makes me very happy, my dear readers, very happy indeed.
Monday was mediocre. Worked through the morning and didn't really socialise. My double RE lesson was awful and stressed me out more than I could deal with right then. The day was slightly brightened by a short cuddle with Will, but then I had to go to a revision session -_- Double psychology was also rather stressful, and I had yet to eat so hunger levels were not helping the situation. HOWEVER. After school I ate a cookie and Jenni and I decided we should attempt to be good friends again, after a year of not really knowing where we stand with each other. That put me in a good mood actually, I have missed her friendship more than I admit. I then came home and realised I don't know anything about Ethics and am completely unprepared for my exam on the 17th, and thus broke down and had a stress-cry for about an hour. Not so good. Today was better I suppose. I got shit done and spent lunch with Cheryl and Jenni talking relationships, triple dates and cars :) But then I struggled with a resit past paper, which sucked. Talking to George is helping though, as it always does. I think I just need to sort out a way to deal with this stress, and learn to balance everything. Mum is helping me create a revision time table, and I spoke to my mentor today about other things, so hopefully it will be getting better from now on.

Sorry for the absolutely awful post, but that's all I've got right now.
See you soon
Jenny

Amsterdam

I really want to go.
Like now.
Or at least before uni.
Although George might just have invited me to Turkey with his family. And I would be there for my birthday. Waaaaaaargh that sounds scarily awesome.
But anyway.
Amsterdam.

After I posted that video yesterday, I spent most of the day with Amsterdam in my mind. I think watching it rekindled the desire to visit that began when I was reading The Fault in Our Stars. I have to admit, before I read The Fault in Our Stars, I never really thought of Amsterdam as beautiful. It's only connotations for me were war. But since I read the book, whenever Amsterdam is mentioned a flood of beautiful scenes fills my mind and it all just makes me absolutely desperate to be there, seeing it all for real.
What isn't helping is the knowledge that I just got paid for working as the Christmas temp in Clintons, so I have about enough money to fly to Amsterdam and back with another person, as long as its just hand luggage only. Save up a bit more and I'll have enough for a hotel.
And this is all torturing me because I know I still probably won't get there any time soon.

Mum pointed out that I've never really researched Amsterdam, but I actually already have a few ideas of what I could do there:
I would absolutely love to visit The Ann Frank Museum, especially as I'd have read the book by then.
The Fault in our Stars pilgrimage style thing because that book is genuinely brilliant and I want to see the places that inspired John Green.

I keep having moments like this, when I suddenly really just want to visit places. I want to go somewhere and spend a day getting lost in a beautiful city with someone I care about, who will share the adventure with me. I've been lost in Venice before, which I loved, although it wasn't so great when it started to get dark and we were still in the creepy back alleys.

I might just create a list of all the places I want to go, or at least add them to my Bucket List. I might put that up here one day actually.

Anyway.
Amsterdam rant over.
Off to do revision because Will cancelled our coffee :/
Jenny

P.s. Please do comment if you have any ideas where else I could go in Amsterdam or any other countries/places which are amazing to visit!

Reading List

I haven't read a book for pleasure in over 2 months.
And it's killing me.
So, this is my reading list, which hopefully I can get started on after the 17th Jan. If you haven't read or heard of some of these, definitely check them out, and if you have any suggestions for the list then please let me know.

1. The Catcher in The Rye by J. D. Salinger
2. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
3. Paper Towns by John Green
4. Life Of Pi by Yann Martel
5. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
6. The Kite Runner by Kialed Hosseini
7. Enduring Love by Ian McEwan
8. One Day by David Nicholls
9. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
10. It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
11. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
12. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
13. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel by Deborah Moggachi
14. Marley & Me by John Grogan
15. The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
16. "Who Could That Be at This Hour?" by Lemony Snicket
17. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
18. Ann Frank's Diary
19. Wonder by R.J. Palacio
20. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
21. How to Write a Damn Good Novel 1& 2
22. Dash and Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
23. You Had Me at Hello by Mhairi McFarlane
24. Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green
25. Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
26. A Midsummer Night's Dream by Shakespeare
27. The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins
28. Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl Written by Herself by Harriet Ann Jacobs
29. The Infernal Devices 1: Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare
30. The Night World 1 by L. J. Smith
31. Blueyedboy by Joanne Harris
32. The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald
33. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by F. Scott Fitzgerald
34. The Complete Adventures of Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie
35. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
36. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
37. Ulysses by James Joyce
38. Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
39. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
40. The Iliad by Homer
41. Vanity Fair by William Thackeray
42. The Odyssey by Homer and Alexander Pope
43. The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux
44. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
45. The Jane Austen Collection
46. The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe
47. The Old Curiosity Shop by Charles Dickens
48. War Horse by Michael Morpurgo
49. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
50. Household Tales by Brothers Grimm
51. Dracula by Bram Stoker
52. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
53. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
54. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
55. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
56. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
57. The Plague Dogs by Richard Adams
58. Fire World by Chris d'Lacey
59. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol
60. Outsiders by Kevin Crossley-Holland
61. Capital (can't remember the author)
62. Chocolat by Joanne Harris
63. Imperial Spy by Mark Robson
64. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
65. The Taming of the Shrew
66. The Time Traveller's Wife

Now I probably won't stick to that order, but I do intend to attempt the list. I'm actually currently a quarter of the way through The Catcher in The Rye (which I have just nicknamed Catcher), so when I have finished Catcher or any other book, I will put a line through the title on this list and create a link to this post from the post of the day that I finished it.

Jenny 

In Paris with You

I posted this poem on my old blog fairly recently, but I couldn't resist sharing it on this new one.
This is my English teacher's favourite poem, and it's fast becoming one of my favourites.

In Paris with You, by James Fenton.

Don't talk to me of love. I've had an earful
And I get tearful when I've downed a drink or two.
I'm one of your talking wounded.
I'm a hostage. I'm maroonded.
But I'm in Paris with you.

Yes I'm angry at the way I've been bamboozled
And resentful at the mess I've been through.
I admit I'm on the rebound
And I don't care where are we bound.
I'm in Paris with you.

Do you mind if we do not go to the Louvre
If we say sod off to sodding Notre Dame,
If we skip the Champs Elysées
And remain here in this sleazy

Old hotel room
Doing this and that
To what and whom
Learning who you are,
Learning what I am.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris,
The little bit of Paris in our view.
There's that crack across the ceiling
And the hotel walls are peeling
And I'm in Paris with you.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris.
I'm in Paris with the slightest thing you do.
I'm in Paris with your eyes, your mouth,
I'm in Paris with... all points south.
Am I embarrassing you?
I'm in Paris with you.

Goodnight everyone.

Jenny

Blog description

As you (hopefully) have read, my blog description is a quote by John Green: "Grateful to be a little boat, full of water, still floating"
The quote actually comes from this video:

I was going to tell you what the quote meant to me, and give some long, irrelevant back story as to why it has a place on my blog. Truth is, it just means something to me, and I carry that quote with me everyday. Watching (or reading) John Green always makes me think in a pattern which I usually do not, and as I watched that video to check it was the correct one, I decided that I am not going to tell you what the quote means to me. Words are possibly the most powerful tools in the world. When they are used in the way that John uses them in the end of the video, something spectacular is created. A combination of words each with their own separate meanings come together to form a string of words with a whole added Something, and a different meaning for everyone. I am not telling you what it means to me for one reason, and that is simply because I don't want to spoil it for you. Having read the quote, you probably have your own ideas about what it means, and if I tell you mine, one of the meanings will lose it's magic and cease to be important to one of us.
So here you are, at the end of the most pointless post I have posted so far, suddenly confused about something you probably hadn't noticed in the first place. I apologise. 
Enjoy your Saturday, and I hope you are "grateful to be a little boat, full of water, still floating"
Whatever that means.
Jenny

The Imposter days

... I should probably explain.
My school went back after the holidays on the 3rd of January. A Thursday. A Thursday, which was pretending to be a Monday. So my body clock has been completely backwards for the last two days, hence me lying in bed writing this 40 minutes into Saturday.
I haven't really had a great start to the term to be honest.
Since George went home on the 1st, waking up alone means I've been starting my days in a crap mood, and then on the first day back I had an awful A2 psychology mock on Aggression, Relationships, and Eating Behaviour. The Relationships question was fine because I'd been revising the subject of it the day before, the eating behaviour one was tolerable because I'm fairly familiar with Anorexia, but the aggression one was absolutely abysmal. It was on the role of hormones/neural mechanisms, and I sat there for 10 minutes staring at the question with absolutely no information coming to mind. I also now know that a small part of what I did actually manage to write down was wrong, as I mixed up the effects of serotonin and dopamine -_- Mr B decided to start a new topic instead of letting us revise for our exam on the 17th, so that was great, and I was also once again surrounded by couples/discussions about couples and that just led to me wanting to walk away and jump on the train to see George. I had an excellent chat with Will at lunchtime though, so that cheered me up :) Hopefully having a catch up with le baby brother on Sunday as well, so that should be good.
Friday (/Tuesday) wasn't great either, but mostly because I have found I am in a bit of a pickle about uni. I have applied to UEA (AAB), Birmingham (AAB), Keele (ABB), Plymouth (BBB) and Central Lancashire (BBC) via UCAS, and I have had offers from Plymouth and Central Lancashire since I sent my application off in December. Only problem is, not a single part of me wants to go to Central Lancashire. I desperately want to swap that choice for Teesside, but I fear it is too late :/ I also found out today that due to exams I won't be able to see George for 2 and a half weeks. Yay! -_- I miss him. Plus the added joy of realising that I may be on my way to failing my A2 exams and the AS resit I have this month.
Today has ended better though, as I was chatting to George on facebook for most of the night, and we had a lovely moment about him coming to stay with me when he takes his gap year before the third year of his uni course. He also promised to keep reminding me that he wants to be with me, until I couldn't even attempt to forget it. I think I'll be holding him to that one. I have a tendency to forget those things.
Anywho. I'll pop a more interesting post up soon, I couldn't be arsed with anything more than a diary entry tonight!
See you soon
Jenny

2 months

Happy two months today, George. Thank you for the last two months, and I hope our little adventure together continues for a long time :)
You know how fond I am of you, so please never forget it.
Love,
Your Jenn xxxx

Beginnings

So here we are. It's 2013, and I have decided to start afresh and create a new blog so that I'm not trapped by shadows of 'before'. A lot has happened in the past, not all of it pleasant, but the past is the past, and as is said in The Perks of Being a Wallflower: "Not everyone has a sob story, and even if they do it's no excuse." I might therefore share snippets of my past with you, but I don't want to allow myself a sob story in case I begin to use it as an excuse for moments of stupidity or unfortunate mistakes.
Now, in the present, I think I can say that I am the happiest I've ever been and I have many wonderful people to thank for contributing to that, all of whom I will probably mention frequently. In fact, this New Year changeover was possibly the best I have experienced in my tiny lifetime. 
I was lucky enough to begin 2013 in the arms of my George, who I am incredibly fond of, surrounded by friends that I adore. It was a lovely extended celebration, and I'm very grateful to those that made it possible. It began when George surprised me at work on my last day, just as I was talking to the manager. My 'knight in shining armour' (as my manager put it) apparently found the shock and delight on my face absolutely brilliant, and I must admit it must have been a cartoon moment as my jaw dropped open and hung there almost until I jumped on him. We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing until we took the dog out for a longer walk than planned because I somehow got George talking about his past (a very rare occurrence). After the walk I cooked George dinner and we headed off to see Heather perform in a panto :D It was fantastic, and I'm glad I was able to share it with him, and to finally introduce Heather and George to each other.  We sat chatting outside the theatre for a while, and finished our earlier conversation about his past. I know that George doesn't really like to open up to people, so I feel privileged in a way, and glad that he trusts me with that.
At home that night, we just collapsed onto the sofa and didn't leave it until 4am, when we skedaddled off to bed.
We woke up fairly late on the 31st so had to rush to get ready for a small party I had organised for New Years. There were minor moments of frustration with mum but George cheered me up with a little slow dance to Paloma Faith's 'Just Be'. By the time we were showered and the house was ready, it was time to munch a few snacks before everyone arrived. The party was a small one, with just Lachlan, Hannah, David, Sophie, Cleughy, George and I attending. We didn't do much except chat, wrestle, watch movies/Jools Holland, drink alcohol, and play games (Tipsy Twister and Taboo xD), but I think we all had a lot of fun. All were in bed by 6am, although Hannah and David sat in the kitchen talking instead of sleeping, and everyone but George left before 12 after a quick breakfast. 
George and I just spent the rest of the day relaxing, talking, and failing to watch Ripper Street. We talked about our having to part ways to go to uni a lot, which resulted in some very cute responses from both of us. Our time together over the last few days has made me even fonder of him (didn't realise that was possible), and I feel much securer in the relationship for various reasons. As Will pointed out, this is the happiest I've been in a long time, and a lot of it is thanks to George and the other wonderful people around me.
I hope you had a lovely start to 2013.
Thanks for reading.
Jenny