Stay a Little Longer

It takes quite a lot out of you to say goodbye sometimes. I've been told before that saying goodbye is easier with people you haven't known long because you apparently don't care as much. Calling bullshit on that one.

On Thursday I said goodbye to a group of people that I have grown incredibly fond of this past semester, two of whom I have known since February and the rest I only met a few weeks ago. By no-one's terms was that easy. The two that I've known longer were particularly difficult. They were all going home to America, back to their home universities, so we had dinner together to mark the last night of their semester of study abroad. Obviously, therefore, it is quite a stretch to go and visit (although I do plan to), and this goodbye felt much more permanent than some. I wanted to beg them to stay, to never leave, to have one more drink and one more memory. Obviously I couldn't.

Warning: There will be lots of songs in this post, with lyrics that mean a lot. Words are my favourite thing in the world, so this post will contain a lot of them and not all will be mine although they say what I don't know how to. For example:

Brother's Osborne - Stay a Little Longer

I held it together pretty well when we actually said goodbye, although I was a little teary. When I got back, however, I collapsed onto my bed and cried for a good long time. At one point it felt like my ribcage was being torn down the centre by a bolt of lightning. I couldn't actually tell if I wanted to cry, sleep or throw up.

Big reaction for people I met less than a year ago, right?
You see, it doesn't take very long for someone to matter.

The thing is, I don't mind that it tore me apart, because I know that just means that I made true friends and have had such a beautiful time. To quote John Green: 'It hurts because it mattered.'

Some people come into your life and stay for a long time, other encounters may be fleeting, but I do not believe that this makes them any less extraordinary. When you part with someone who matters, especially if it feels much too soon, it can feel like you are wrenched apart and left with a scar or a mark. A mark like that, a memory, allows the permanence of something that is now gone. You may forget the details or the specific words the stranger said, but you are changed by what they said or did or who they were, and that is something that cannot be undone.

Meeting this group of people changed who I am in little, important ways. I'm less afraid now in many ways. I take risks - some I probably shouldn't like running along high walls and getting lost in the woods. But now that I'm done saying goodbye, I have decided to start saying hello. If I hadn't taken the risk of talking to this random guy I didn't know, and spending time with a group of people in which those that I didn't know vastly outnumbered those that I did, I wouldn't have the friendships that I do now, or have had all that fun. So now I finish my first year at University having experienced some extraordinary things and some less cool ones and having met a vast array of people. I leave with the confidence and intent to go out into the world, start saying hello more, and have an adventure.

I don't remember the specific words he used, although I wish I did, but an extraordinary man once told me that we are all made up of the people we meet. It doesn't matter how long we were with them, or how big a piece they take up, they all still matter. The people that I am made up of, I treasure. Especially the ones that continue to shape who I am to this day, whom I will go home to in a week or two to drink, dance and build sofa forts. I will at least be able to see some of the Americans in September, if I manage to get my act together and buy my tickets over there, although I don't know how they feel about sofa forts.

For now our time is up, and although parting was awful and tore me in two like a lightning bolt, I am actually happy. I will treasure the wonderful mark that has been left on my life, and the memories of the time that we did have.

This grid of photos and the photos below are from a super cool day we all had together on Keele lawn in the sun. We also had a bonfire in Keele woods in the evening. Great day, great memories, great changes.

To Ian and Danielle, my gorgeous lovebuggs: I love you, I miss you, and I am grateful for you and everything you have given me. You are both astonishing people, hopefully that is something you'll never forget. Enjoy telling our stories. I look forward to hearing your own when I see you again.

To all of my far off friends: Keep being crazy wonderful people, and thank you so much for letting me into your midst!

Ian. I've decided: I think I'd be a bird too. The kind that won't shut up with its singing, that perches right at the top of the tree so I can take it all in, even though it must be scary to be that high. You never know, maybe one day I'd get to fly next to you again. Although you'd probably be the cooler, infamous bird that has seen so many more places than the rest of us, as per.