Trying not to quit

Since I spoke to my personal tutor, as mentioned in the previous post, I have been forced to admit that I am not coping.

I miss home. I miss my mum. One of my brothers is having a really hard time and I can't do anything to help him. I can't even give him a hug because he's in a different country. I haven't spoken to him properly for ages and I miss him more than I can actually articulate. I need him to cheer me up but I can't tell him how I'm feeling because he has enough on his plate right now. My other brother has been so busy with a new job that I haven't heard from him since the beginning of September, so I can't talk to him either. Add that to an increased workload and the fact that my father just walked out of my life and took my half-sister with him, and I don't think it's particularly difficult to see why I'm struggling.

I want to go home. I love University, I love my uni house, I love my friends here and I love earning my mum's pride, but I am falling behind because I can't cope.

I can't deal with all this shit and still be the First Class student that I have been working so hard to be.

My grades are really important to me and always have been, so the fact that I may be losing grip on the one thing I can actually do is beyond scary.

Despite my education being so important to me, I really just want to quit. I want to deal with one thing at a time and my family will always take priority. I want to lay in bed and cry all day. I want to take a week out to visit my brother or look after my mum. Most of all, I want time to grieve the loss of my relationship with my sister, and actually the final loss of my relationship with my father.

But I don't have time.

I have university. I have studying to do. And trying not to quit right now is actually the hardest thing to do.