Bye then.

Love being slated by people who used to call me friends, in ways absolutely uncalled for.
Love being deleted from Facebook by such people for no apparent reason.
Love it all.

Skype calls and other happy things

Happy things have been happening lately, which make the not quitting a little easier than last week.

I cannot articulate how happy it makes me to Skype my brother. He is my rock in this rather turbulent sea, and always has been. He is having such a hard time right now and it is so difficult to see/hear that when I can't be there with him, but he knows I want to be and I think that helps. I find it really hard to be separated from my brother, it genuinely feels like a part of myself is missing. Frankly, I do not give a shit what anyone else says about the fact that we are technically half-siblings because we have different dads. I love my little family, however untraditional we may be, and we certainly do not love each other any less for it. But back to the point. Skyping my brother cheers me up immensely. I am so, so grateful to have such a wonderful man in my life, and my brother means more to me than I could ever express. So while we talked through some tough things tonight, I feel so much better for having spoken to him again.

Also, I have started learning pointe!! I have my pointe shoes and everything now, but I can't sew ribbons on and practice or break them in until I go back to my new class on Saturday and get the teacher to check they're alright. But still, dreams are coming true, and that is always a happy thing.

(AHHH they're mine!!)

I have decided to go back to counselling, which I think is a step in the right direction. During the assessment session I admitted some things that I had yet to fully realise, and the counsellor and I both think it will be very beneficial for me to continue with it to give myself a chance to come to terms with those realisations and grieve for what I have lost.

It's reading week this week! Which means that I have no classes and can focus on doing my next essay, reading the big-ass novel they've set for one of my modules, and use the rest of my time to go to the gym and my yoga class there :)

Finally, David is coming up this weekend so we can have our joint un-birthday party (since we missed each others) and eat cake, drink cider, and play Tombraider all weekend. I am happy about this prospect.

So all in all, things are looking up. Problems haven't gone away, but happy things are helping.

Coming home (Last week's unpublished post)

I went home again this weekend, and was so sad to leave.

Mum and I didn't get to do anything special because I have essays due Tuesday and so had tons of work to do, but William and I went to the Wicksteed fireworks show together.

It was so, so good to see that boy again. Uni makes it difficult to meet up and spend time together, but every time we manage to figure something out I feel so much better for seeing him. As usual, I forgot everything I've been struggling with, and it was so nice to be with someone that I didn't have to explain anything to and who was more interested in talking to me than playing on their phone. Saturday was also the first time I haven't spent the whole day feeling on the verge of tears. It was really funny, and he was as silly and cuddly and sweet as usual. Even when we met up with two other boys I didn't feel left out, we just all had a really good time together.

The bonfire was great, but the sadly fireworks felt so much shorter this time! I'm sure they normally last a lot longer. They were cool while they lasted though, and it gave me a chance to play with the settings on my camera again. They always play well known songs to sync the fireworks to so naturally we were all singing along, and during Aerosmith they boys definitely sounded like a classic boy band :')

We went on a 'mirror maze' at the fair, which was some pretty funky shit. It is so confusing because you have no idea which panes are 'glass' and which are open, so it is even difficult to just retrace your steps. It was super fun, and after that we just chilled and chatted until mum came to collect me.

Saying goodbye to William was not fun. I do not enjoy walking away from that boy. There's nobody like him, no one I get on with in the same way and can just cuddle or be stupid with or whatever at uni. I don't know how we came to love each other so much but we do. I remember having to explain to George that yes we loved each other but no not George did not have any competition because we didn't love each other in that way. Although William can be a total pain in the ass sometimes, he is always there whenever I need him to be, and I wouldn't wish for a different best friend. So yeah, saying goodbye for the billionth time did suck.